Nice Guys Finish Last

How many times have you heard the phrase “nice guys finish last” ? You probably can’t even count how many times you’ve heard some frustrated guy say this. You might even say this yourself quite frequently. So, what is it about “Nice Guys” that cause their hearts to get stomped on by women and people in general? I’m going to help explain this as clearly as possible.

First, it is NOT the fact that a guy is “nice” that makes him unattractive to women. Being nice is a great personality trait and there’s nothing wrong with being a nice person. So many men are under the impression that they were “too nice” and that’s why they got stomped on and stepped over. Wrong !

No more Mr. Nice Guy

The first and most crucial mistake a guy can make is to lie to himself about the REAL reason that woman got scared off. Most of the time he is just too needy and attempts to build his entire existence and happiness around being with her. Guys…this is TOO MUCH pressure and feels suffocating. Men don’t like overly needy women and women don’t like overly needy men. So, how do you avoid turning into a clump of belly button lint stuck in some woman’s navel?

Simple…do NOT build your life around her or anyone else, for that matter. Have your own interests and activities. Build a happy and healthy life for yourself so that when you do find a good woman she compliments the good life you already have rather than creates or completes your life. Every good and quality relationship includes time away from each other and room for each person to be an individual as well as part of a couple.

Nice Guy Syndrome

Another mistake so many nice guys make is to devote all of their time into doing things for other people to the point where they aren’t taking care of themselves. Learn to say no when you need or want to say it. It’s okay to put your own needs and wants ahead of doing things for others that they could do for themselves. If you don’t take care of yourself first you won’t be worth a damn to anyone else. How can you be there for that woman in your life if you don’t see to your own needs first? You can’t.

Love is a wonderful thing, and it’s a precious gift you can give to other people. However, most importantly, you MUST love yourself first. Until you can genuinely love yourself you can’t love another person in a healthy way. So many “nice guys” mistakenly believe that if they worship the ground a woman walks on and idolizes her that she will automatically return the same treatment towards him. These are what I like to call “Unrealistic Expectations”. More often than not, these kinds of expectations go unmet and lead to pain, frustration and sometimes anger. These expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments. This isn’t healthy behavior and what it boils down to is a heavy dose of self inflicted suffering. Never set yourself up for this kind of disappointment. Treat yourself better than this.

Finally…if a man spends all of his time catering to the whims of others, how can he find the time to have a full and rich life? He can’t, and his life is spent helping others to make their lives more interesting while his life becomes more and more dull and boring. He has little energy left for his own adventures and excitement and his love life suffers as a result. Women don’t like boredom and stagnation.

The mistakes nice guys make are

  •     Being too needy
  •     Unrealistic Expectations/Premeditated Resentments
  •     Idolizing a woman
  •     Living for everyone else but himself and becoming dull
  •     Making his happiness and existence too dependent on his relationships with others

If you recognize your own behavior in this list, you have probably blamed your “niceness” for hindering your relationships with women. Hopefully this article will help you to see and understand exactly where the problem is and what you need to do to fix it.
Here are a few things you can start doing right away to help you to stop making this mistakes with women.

Start saying “No” when you don’t want to do someone a favor. “Sorry, I can’t” is just as easy to say, and the world won’t stop turning if you say no.

Go spend some time with and on yourself…make your life exciting and interesting. Do things you enjoy just because you enjoy it. You deserve this! It’s YOUR life!

Don’t worship women. They are human, make mistakes and aren’t perfect. They are just like you for the most part, and are no better or worse than you are. Don’t treat them like they deserve more than you do. If you don’t respect yourself women won’t respect you either.

You “need” food and water. You “need” shelter. You don’t “need” any specific person to create your happiness and make you “somebody”. If you feel like you “need” someone else to be happy then your feelings towards that person are NOT healthy. It’s healthy to “want” someone to compliment who you ALREADY are, but NOT to “need” someone to define or complete you.

In conclusion … don’t lose the niceness, lose the neediness.

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