How to deal with nasty, gossipy women coworkers??!!?
I wonder if anyone else out there is in or has been in a similar situation to mine and, if so, what did you do about it?
I work in an office with about 7-9 other women, only women. For lunch we all get together in the lunch room at the same time, we eat our lunches, and then sit and talk. I find this to be a hindrance to work more than a help, but they insist on it, and because I don’t want to be completely ostracized, I do it. The conversation often turns nasty about other coworkers who aren’t in the room at the time (the manager includes herself in this ragging on other coworkers), and it makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Also, it doesn’t just happen in the lunch room; it’s all day long. I’ve heard every single one of them make nasty remarks about virtually all the others! The manager and another employee even very often sit in her office and gossip nasty about coworkers … and I know that EVERYONE is on the list! (I’ve even heard them make a couple nasty remarks about me.) It’s like being at a friggin slumber party of mean girls!
I keep my mouth shut when they talk nasty about our coworkers, but geeeeeez, I can only keep quiet for so long when most of the conversation is nasty about coworkers! What I’m wondering is if there is anyone else who has been in a similar situation and how they dealt with it? The nastiness behind each other’s back is a DAILY thing around here, and it’s beginning to weigh me down. Work suffers, morale suffers, it’s a ridiculous situation, and it’s mentally and emotionally exhausting. I’m safely certain, however, that if I were to be candid about it – get it out in the open and take a "let’s talk about this" approach – I’d be alone … everyone would deny it!
Why do women have to act like this? Why?! So often I find women to be difficult to work with — petty, gossipy, backstabbing, passive-aggressively competitive, and I find that WOMEN often cause more problems for other women in the workforce than do men. Can anyone give me some solid advice on handling this rock-and-a-hard-place situation? Thank you!
I should probably add that I was in a similar situation many years ago, and when I stepped forward, because they all denied it, I ended up looking like the troublemaker. They ganged up and I ended up losing my job!
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This is the case in every office, but as a former Manager, I can tell you that you have a bigger problem because your manager should not be in on the gossip about any employees. There’s no way she can talk about an employee to all the others.
The way you have to look at it is if she is talking about one employee she is talking about all of them, including you. Keep your distance, and say very little, and don’t ever talk about your personal life or your personal feelings.
This is not a healthy situation, you might want to start looking and get out of there.
Good Luck…and keep quiet!!
unfortunately years ago i did work in a similar situation, it was a dr’s office and it was horrible. 8 girls total and a male dr. i sat near the office manager and i would hear her talk nice to each girl and then she would rant insults about them as soon as they left. the dr was no help i think he actually liked the friction like it was amusing to him or something. i would leave work emotionally drained from all of the animosity and eventually i quit – of course after i secured another job. the only solid advice i can give is what i tried while working there, for each insult or nasty thing someone had to say about another employee i remained quiet, i began conversations about subjects that had nothing to do with work- or the people i worked with, as long as the conversation was about something else i remained cheerful and engaged and if it turned ugly i kept myself out of it. after a while most of the people there wouldn’t get me too involved with there pettiness and did make a few lasting friendships however it stayed in my head that i would wonder how much they trashed me for ignoring all of their crap.
Women can be so mean…! You must be the first one to step back and perhaps say something. It’s hard and others will look on you as the goodie two shoes, but at least you won’t be apart of the gossipy group. So far, as long as you tolerate their behavior without taking a stand then you are looked upon as the same type person.
Two options:
1. DON’T keep your mouth shut.
2. Don’t sit with them.
If you sit with them and say nothing then you are supporting them.
I have worked in places where it’s all men and others where it’s all women accept for the boss and then worked in places where there are men and women and it’s all the same. Every one does it. You probably just notice it now because it’s all women but men do it to. I used to think it was only women too and was shocked when I found out it wasn’t just the women.
Personally, I’d rather be ostracized than have to sit and listen to that every day.
The fact that your manager is in on it raises all kinds of red flags. This is not a professional office environment. If your manager isn’t doing anything about it (and I’m guessing she isn’t, or she wouldn’t be participating), you need to go to HER superior.
In the mean time, when they start doing that, just say "Excuse me" and leave the room. They may or may not put it together, but you don’t have to listen to it.
Just keep ignoring it. If they ask you about someone else just deny you talking about someone else behind their back.
Or tell everyone the nasty stuff that other people have said and then it will explode into a big thing and they’ll stop doing it.
There’s always drama at work. I work with 4 other people and there’s drama and it’s like a game of telephone and by the time you hear it it isn’t true anymore.
Stick in there kiddo!
I feel for you. I went through this but not to this extreme, it makes work a living hell. Even if you don’t say anything they will still drag you into it, believe me, you have been accused of saying things you never said. What are your options, you can get another job or you can stay away from every one of them, it won’t matter, they are going to talk about you whether you are around them or not. The only thing I can tell you to do is the next time one of them starts talking about a co worker to you, cut them off and tell them,"I don’t want to hear it!" Maybe they’ll start getting the message.
Tell them to shut their yaps and do some wok
Excuse yourself and sit somewhere else. And ignore them. They are not worth holding a conversation with anyway.
I work with a few young men who enjoy bad-mouthing people. When they start their yadda-yadda I walk away. When it’s impossible to walk away, I’ve changed the conversation. This action of mine astonished them the first few times I did it. Finally, one day, one asked, "I was trying to tell you about something." Because he has an incredibly supercilious personality, I was afraid of hurting his feelings when I said, ‘I’m not interested in (blah-blah-blah). I’ve got things to do." I’m 65 and I’m not afraid to tell off young men in their 20s-40s. When they’re blatantly arrogant and puerile, I’m not afraid to take them down a few pegs. Don’t be surprised that the older you get the more assertive you’ll become.